Gaining Self Confidence
after Divorce

Could you benefit from gaining Self Confidence?

Gaining self confidence back after a divorce can be a really hard thing to do. If you are suffering from the fallout of a marriage break-up, then, you're not alone. Today's astronomical divorce statistics tell us that 50% of couples who get married end up divorcing. Those who don't seek counseling will choose to work through this difficult time on their own. If you are going through a divorce, you may be experiencing some really intense emotional ups and downs. Here are some of the common experiences:

Depression

Anxiety

Mood swings

Confusion

Loss of appetite

In fact, divorce can really knock you around, especially if this was not something you were expecting. Gaining self confidence can help you to clarify your feelings and get some extra support to help you pick up the pieces and move on with your life. Contact me now to find out how I can help.

Divorce Is a Serious Loss

When you break up with your life partner, you experience a devastating loss. Both parties go through a period where they grieve the relationship, and the length of this period varies from person to person. If the decision to end the marriage is mutual, then usually both people will go through this at the same time. But if one partner ends the marriage, usually they have already begun to grieve the relationship well before the separation, and often the other partner is left in a state of shock and/or denial.

About Grief

Grief is the reaction to any form of loss, and there are many theories abound which define its stages. Many of the theorists agree that these stages are not always experienced in a set order, and that some of the stages may overlap at different points in time, depending on the person and the type of grief they are experiencing. Understanding these stages may help you to come to terms with the loss of your relationship, and gaining self confidence back during this time can help you to heal in a much shorter time.

Stages of the grieving process

Stage ONE: Denial

The first stage is denial and isolation. A reaction such as “No, it cannot be true” is not uncommon, usually from the partner who did not initiate the separation. In some cases, both partners may experience this reaction. This is a healthy way of dealing with a painful situation, because denial acts as a buffer after shocking news, and allows you to collect your thoughts and summon the resources you need to deal with the loss.

Stage TWO: Anger

When the stage of denial cannot be maintained any longer, it is replaced by feelings of anger, rage, envy and resentment. Often the anger is displaced in all directions, and on many occasions you might project your anger onto those who are closest to you, or onto your environment.

Stage THREE: Bargaining

Having been unable to face the truth in the first stage, and having been angry at others and the world in the second stage, you might start to believe that you can postpone the inevitable by reaching some sort of agreement. This might include trying to convince your partner that you can both “work things out” together.

Stage FOUR: Depression

When you finally face reality, you may experience depression; this is not uncommon, and is a natural stage of the adjustment period. It is during this difficult stage that we often lose our sense of self. Seek help in gaining self confidence and you will find it much easier to cope with the daily tasks of living.

Stage FIVE: Acceptance

During the final "acceptance" stage, you might begin to feel numb or detached, and you will find it easier to take a step back and see the bigger picture. Now, all of these stages don't necessarily happen in this particular order; in fact, you might experience all stages in the period of one month, and experience them all again the next month. There is no hard and fast rule here.

The grieving process can last up to one year, and in some cases even longer. During this time, expect to feel up and down, and above all, give yourself permission to feel out of sorts for a while. You don't have to 'just snap out of it'. Enlist the help of your close family and friends, and consider getting help in gaining self confidence as an added resource in your recovery.

Gaining Self Confidenceafter Divorce