GUILT - The Over-rated Emotion

October 2007

Hi and Welcome to Issue #026 of Devine Online!

Most of us have something we feel really terrible about. In fact, guilt is everywhere you turn; if we’re not beating ourselves up for having DONE something we shouldn't have, then we’re chastising ourselves for something we haven’t done. But is all this guilt-indulgence getting us anywhere? Let’s take a closer look at this destructive emotion that we just can’t seem to live without.

Have you been BAD.....?

Are you punishing yourself for something you feel you have done wrong? Maybe you were mean to someone in the third grade – or perhaps you jilted a lover back in 1989. Is holding onto past stuff really all it's cracked up to be? One of the most important skills I teach my clients is how to let go. Let me clarify this further; many people think they have dealt with past stuff, and yet the mere mention of a person's name brings tears, feelings of anger and bitterness. This kind of reaction is a surefire indicator that something needs to be released at a subconscious level.

Okay so we've talked about other people who have hurt you; but what if you are the one who has done the hurting? Often it is much easier to forgive other people than it is to forgive ourselves. The person we hurt may have gotten on with their lives ages ago, while we continue to mentally and physically abuse ourselves for our perceived wrong-doings.

Remember that there is only so much punishment that should be allowed for any wrong-doing. So maybe, JUST maybe it's time to give yourself a break. Forgiving yourself is not about forsaking responsibility. You did something wrong. Now it's time to work out where you went wrong so that it doesn't happen again. It is possible to acknowledge your own mistakes and learn from them, but until you forgive yourself, it really is impossible to move forward and achieve your full potential. It's your choice. So choose wisely!

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Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

We love to tell ourselves what we should be doing, don’t we? I'll tell you something for nothing; I'm really OVER all this ‘Should’ language. When push comes to shove, it really brings very little to the table in terms of real progress. here are some of the ways we use the 'S' word:

  • I should exercise more;

  • I shouldn’t eat that;

  • I mustn’t get upset;

  • I ought to be more patient with my kids

  • The trouble with 'should' language, is that it enforces a kind of judgmental attitude towards life. When you judge yourself, you allow very little room for personal growth , and you put yourself under all sorts of unnecessary pressure. Think of your ‘should’ language as an angry parent.

    When you punish yourself in this way, you become both the angry parent and the helpless child at the same time. This kind of thinking only sets you up for more failure and leaves you feeling depleted, defeated and frustrated. Do you really need this negative influence in your life?

    What if someone else is behaving in a judgmental way towards you? Well, it's time to look inside. Remember that people mirror in us the feelings, beliefs and attitudes we have towards ourselves. So if you are feeling unfairly judged by someone else, ask yourself: “How am I judging myself?” Chances are if you look inside, you’ll find that angry parent doing his stuff – and he’ll be hopping mad!!

    If not YOU, then WHO?

    Many times I hear my clients saying: ‘I should be happy with what I have. I shouldn’t be asking for more’. There's that 'S' word again! Do you honestly believe that other people deserve more happiness, wealth and success than you? If everybody thought this way then nobody would ever get anything they wanted!

    The truth is you DO deserve to be happy, healthy, successful and loved. That is your god given birthright, and if you don’t deserve it then WHO does? What makes you any less deserving than anyone else? It really is important to challenge this kind of irrational thinking, because it is precisely this thinking which brings you more of what you don’t want – poverty, sickness and misery.

    Let go of the notion that you’re not supposed to or allowed to be happy. Embrace your right to happiness and as you do, you’ll find yourself expecting good things to happen. And guess what happens when you expect the best? You get it! Tell yourself every day: 'I deserve the best.'

    Need some help? A skilled therapist will plant the right seeds and get you attracting what you want in life.

    Make a decision today to identify and remove the beliefs that are no longer serving you well.

    Let it go....Let it go....Let it go....

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Let it go. Let go of unnecessary guilt. The very fact that you are able to feel guilt in the first place proves that you are a good, honest, compassionate person – but don’t go overboard!

    Recognise when you have had enough punishment and move on. Let go of the need to beat yourself up. Let go of the idea that you don’t deserve to be happy, healthy and fulfilled. Enjoy your life and accept good things when they come to you. As you allow yourself to receive good things, you will find yourself opening up to receiving even more good things!

    I have personally been on both sides of the fence – the side of the angry parent/helpless child, and the side of the adult. Trust me when I say that life works a whole lot better when you are an adult. So take a chance and grow up! You will love it.

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    Feeling stuck? Consider enlisting the services of a qualified therapist to help you identify your blocks and create new, empowering beliefs.

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    So there you have it! I hope you enjoyed this issue of Success Express...have a great day!

    - Sonia

    Manifest Your Success

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