I used to cope just fine....what's wrong with me?

August 2006

Hi and Welcome to Issue #012 of Success Express!

Ever wondered why it seems so much harder to cope with the stresses of life these days?

Is Your Barrel Full?

If you suffer from anxiety, you know how incredibly hard it is to make it go away. And you’re definitely NOT alone! Many of my clients come to me in a state of bewilderment. It’s usually because they have experienced some minor trauma in their lives, and all of a sudden their world falls apart and they just can’t cope any more.

One of the most common questions I get is: "I’ve coped with much worse problems than this in the past...why am I all of a sudden unable to cope now?" The answer is simple; the barrel is full. Picture your subconscious mind as a barrel; when you are born, this barrel is empty. Along the course of life we experience various hurts and resentments, and over time, if they are not dealt with, these can affect us profoundly. Each time you experience hurt, fear, anger or any other negative emotion, this adds more stuff to your emotional barrel.

Now, some people choose to cope with these traumas by continuing on with their life as though nothing ever happened...effectively 'blocking out' the emotional fallout from these issues, and just getting on with things. All the while, that barrel keeps on filling and filling, until one day it starts to overflow....and that's when the anxiety starts.

On the other side of the coin, some people come to me truly believing that they have done the work to let go of their past hurts and resentments, and yet after one session, they are amazed at just how tightly their subconscious mind had been hanging onto these negative feelings all along!

Let it Go

OK, so now you know that you need to let go of some stuff, how do you go about doing this? When you come to see me, I always ask this question:

“Is there anybody in your past or present life that causes your stomach to knot up when you think about them?”

If the answer is ‘yes’, then I know that I need to perform some subconscious clearing work. I cannot stress enough how important forgiveness and letting go are in the healing process. Don’t think of it as making the person who hurt you right, but rather make it about giving that person back all of the negative beliefs, behaviours and emotions that you have been carrying around with you for all this time as a result of this experience.

What do you need to let go of? If you can answer this question honestly (if not for others then at least for yourself), then you are already well on the way to healing.

Do you need help letting go? contact me. I can help you release and subconscious blocks that may be getting in the way of you moving forward in your life.

Release the Judgmental Language

I don’t allow the use of judgmental language in my therapy sessions – why? Quite simply because it serves no purpose other than to create even more negative feelings. It’s hard enough dealing with the debilitating effects of anxiety, so beating yourself up will only make things worse. Do you use these words in your every day language?

    I should

      I ought to

        I must

          I have to

If so, do yourself a favour and ditch this habit. I am honoured to work with many people who are suffering terribly, and most of them say: “I don’t know why I’m complaining, so many other people are worse off than me...”

If this is something you think or say often, then consider this: All suffering is relative. As Victor Frankl said, “Suffering fills the human soul”. So if Paris Hilton breaks a nail and that’s suffering for her, then so be it…who am I to pass judgment on another person’s pain? Stop judging yourself and you will find your life gets life a whole lot easier.

Another thing: Just because you coped in the past, it doesn’t make you a weaker person for seeking therapy now. On the contrary, I would argue that it makes you a stronger person. The healthiest people I know are those who are willing to ask for help when they need it. Life is a series of lessons, and it is the hard times that make us stronger. I wouldn’t be talking to you today through this website if I had not had my own share of traumas, and I’m always the first to admit when I need to deal with my own stuff. After all, what use am I to you if I can’t even help myself?

How Obsessive are You?

When you are obsessively negative, your language often reflects this. Do you find yourself saying things like "I can't do this" or "No one loves me" or "Nothing ever works"? If so, become consciously aware of this habit, because it is holding you back! Remember that what you focus on is what you get. Pay attention to your self talk and you might be surprised at what creeps in.

Another negative habit to watch out for is obsessive perfectionism; this is just about the best way to make sure you don’t enjoy your life. If you find yourself saying "I have to do this right, or I'll be a failure", then you are engaging in ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking, and this can be very destructive to your emotional health. Sometimes anxiety can be a catch-22 situation – the more you think about your anxiety, the more anxious you feel, and the more anxious you feel, the greater your desire for it to stop...so where DOES it stop??

It stops with you.

Make a decision today to become aware of your obsessive thought patterns that are feeding your anxiety, and take steps to eradicate this erroneous thinking.

Feeling stuck? Consider enlisting the services of a qualified therapist to help you identify your blocks and create new, empowering beliefs.

Thinking about hypnotherapy, counselling or life-coaching?Click here to see testimonials from my clients!

Do you need online advice? Follow this link to my virtual office and ask me anything you want!

So there you have it! I hope you enjoyed this issue of Success Express...have a great day!

- Sonia

Manifest Your Success

If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favour and pay it forward!

If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting My Subscription Page

Comments? Ideas? Feedback? I’d love to hear from you! Just reply to this e-zine and tell me what you think